Stress Relief

Okay. I said I’d talk about internal stress. I don’t know about you, but I used to automatically think of stress as external. I had too much to do in too short a time period and I was really stressed because of it.

Over time, I learned about internal stress and it’s the point where we need to start. Many of us women have conflicts going on inside and that creates incredible stress. One of the biggest is living in conflict with our values.

I work with a lot of women and I can safely say that about two-thirds have never stopped to do an evaluation of what they value. “It takes too much time.” “I have too much to do to spend time trying to figure those out.” “Will you tell me what my values are?”

Here’s a starter for you: Family, Children, Financial Security, Security, Spirituality, Education, Self-Development, Self-Improvement, Work, Professional Growth, Interdependence, Health etc.

Our Core Values are so important, they’re like anchors. We would not be who we are without them.

However, society and the media often has a different picture of what we should be and we ignore our own Core Values to “be with it” or keep up with everyone else.

Is that what you’ve done? Then much of the stress you’re feeling may be because you’re not following your internal compass and NOTHING causes more stress than that.

Here’s a good question to ask yourself. How would your behavior change if you prioritized your Core Values and started living with them as a Guide?

Stress Relief

I can’t think of a better stress relief than being aware of the fact that you’re too self-sufficient, doing everything all by yourself and unable to ask for help!

When my audiences can see clearly all the stress that is heaped on with this behavior, someone invariably says, “I had no idea this is the problem. Now I can see how I’m paying a lot just for being proud of doing everything.”

I started having panic attacks. It was the investigation that led me to write Help Is Not a Four-Letter Word: Why Doing It All Is Doing You In in 2007.

In my book, I devoted a whole section to stress relief. You’ve heard that saying “the teacher teaches what the teacher needs to learn”? I have been teaching a course entitled De-Stress Your Distress: 21 Days to a New You
for over 15 years. These days I employ all the techniques.

Stress relief starts inside ourselves and in coming posts, I’ll write more about that.

Back From Savannah

I can’t tell you when I’ve had such a fabulous time participating in a conference! The Women’s Leadership Conference of PPAI (Promotional Products Association International) members was outstanding and enlightening.

Last Tuesday I drove to Savannah, did two workshops on Wednesday on Marketing Yourself Inside and Out.

Then Thursday AM, I opened the day with my keynote Help Is Not a Four-Letter Word. That audience was one of the very best I have ever spoken to. Open, responsive, laughing easily and having a good time while they learned.

Afterwards I had so many come up and say “it was like you were talking just to me.” It was an exhilerating experience.

I am so proud to be a woman at this particular time in history where we have so many choices to utilize our talents. And rather than the cut-throat “there is just enough for me” attitude, we can approach making a living using our God-given natural tendency to collaborate where everyone wins.

And of course the first step is to put away the old cultural value that has held us back – the inability to ask for help. Those women were listening and I know they will.

I loved it! Thank you PPAI!

Off to Savannah

I’m getting ready to go to Savannah, GA for the PPAI Conference Women’s Leadership Summit.

On Wednesday I’ll do two workshops Marketing Yourself Inside and Out and then on Thursday AM, I’ll present my keynote Help Is Not a Four-Letter Word. I’m excited because I LOVE presenting to sales women. I’ve been in sales so long myself, I always feel like I’ve come home.

When I get back I’ll go to Asheville to present to Sub Station II, a south-east coast franchise, in Asheville, NC . Giving them some creative ideas for how to leverage this market will be my mission. Wish me luck.

Last but not least, when I finally pull into the garage and limp to my office, I’ll focus for a few weeks on my Internet business which I’m really excited about building. I’ve even got a coach who knows a whole lot more about html’s and venture partners than I do at this point.

I’m learning to ask for help! Yes, it’s taken years but I see the wisdom of shortening my learning curve, making fewer mistakes (even if I hide them well) and positioning myself faster.

The trade-off? Letting others know where I’m vulnerable. For years, I just couldn’t let anyone know where those areas were. Today, I’ve finally grown into myself and realize that I’m human. And when I share that humanness, all sorts of great things happen. At last, I feel like I belong.

Help Is Not a Four-Letter Word

I’m back! In the last two years, speaking at conferences all over the country, including Puerto Rico, I’ve learned that Self-Sufficiency Syndrome is an EPIDEMIC! There are many, many of us that can’t ask for help, do everything all by ourselves, can’t delegate because no one else can do it as well, help others all the time but can’t ask to have the favor returned and we’re on our way to burnout.

In the coming weeks, I’ll tell you all about the stories I’ve heard. Today, here’s a couple about Self-Sufficients (that’s what I call the person like myself who lives this extreme behavior) who have driven themselves to the emergency room. Hope you’ll comment about your own experiences.

In a large women’s audience I asked “who would admit, like me, that you have driven yourself to the emergency room?” Twenty or thirty pairs of hands went up. And……the woman close to me said, “with Clorox in one eye.” Think about it.  And most recently in Tampa, Fl a man called to me as I left the room. He wanted to tell me that he had been in pain, called his wife to meet him at the emergency room, drove himself and the minute he got inside the emergency room door, fainted from the pain. He had a kidney stone.

What are we doing to ourselves? More next week about that.

Self-Sufficiency Syndrome in the Workplace

Do you get up every morning, sit on the side of the bed and wonder how you’re going to get through the workday – you have so much to do? Perhaps you didn’t sleep well cause the lists kept rolling in your head or if you did sleep, you dreamed of being swamped by a wave?

Now awake, you head for the coffee pot, just to get that jolt that will get you going. Oh boy, have I been there. In fact, I DID burn out. I started having panic attacks.

I knew I was on overwhelm -I felt anxious most of the time, on edge, stomach problems too. But I’d always felt invincible. In fact, I looked like I had it all together, like I didn’t need anyone or anything. I looked bullet-proof and I was proud of that image. Others looked up to me for it. After all, isn’t that the American cultural icon?

When someone needed advice or resources, who did they head to – moi, of course. I prided myself on that  too, never realizing I was setting myself up for disaster just because I could not utter four little words: I need your help!

On this blog, I’ll discuss what I found after my panic attacks began and I made the decision to look at all the wreckage strewn around me and try to understand why, where and how this had come about.

I’ll tell you this – it was life changing! Come with me as I share my journey from living a self-defeating set of behaviors to feeling free.

Peggy